I. Have. Had. It.

You know those moments where suddenly everything because clear, all the pieces fall into place, and you have this amazing epiphany of where you’re going and what you’re doing?

I had TWO of those moments yesterday.

The first moment was when I was trying on a top at Goodwill and was totally disgusted by the image reflected in the mirror. That’s me?!

The second moment was when the button on my size-18 jeans came off just an hour after the Goodwill epiphany. They’ve been a bit snug recently, and the jeans had something to say about it.

I’ve put on six pounds this summer. I’m not happy with this. And my reflection in a dressing-room mirror and the button popping off my jeans was just the icing on this fat girl’s cake.

I can’t continue on with my horrible eating habits. I can’t keep making excuses for not working out. I worked hard to get away from my size-22 jeans, and I don’t want to go back to that size ever again. I’m depressed about my weight and my appearance, and beating myself up all the time isn’t going to help. What will help? Change.

I’m making my resolution to make changes TODAY. This blog was a fabulous accountability tool for me in 2010, and I have let it fall to the side this year. I will make it a priority to bring this blog back to life – if nothing else, blogging will (hopefully) bring me to a more positive place. And it’s not just about my weight – our finances need to get back into control.

I'm not paying down debt as fast as I'd like to. We're not saving as much as I'd like to. I've been spending frivolously on little things lately, and those little things are definitely adding up at the end of the month when I release we're coming up short.

I absolutely believe that when I struggle with money, I struggle with my weight (and vice versa). “Oh, look at that, we’re broke. Oh wait, have some comfort food!” Or, "If you stay at home when you're bored, you know you'll eat. Go to the store and walk around. And if you spend a little, that's OK." That’s me.

I have to stop this vicious cycle - if not for myself, then for the sanity of my family. I have an amazing husband who is 150 percent supportive of me, no matter what I do. I have to be driving him insane with my ranting, raving, crying, and general moodiness surrounding our finances and my weight. And my mother, God bless her, lets me go on and on about things, and she’s there to listen and comfort me. The people in my life deserve a better person than I have been in the last few months.

I deserve a better me.